Apologies for the lateness of this post. Just because you write something, doesn’t mean it automatically posts when you want it to. Sleep deprivation and technical difficulties will do that to you.
As I write this, I am sitting in an auditorium full of people, awaiting one of my favorite teachers on the planet to take the stage. They would probably tut-tut me for saying what I’m about to say, but I like offering context to people who may or may not understand what’s happening here. Also, I’m not perfect. So sue me. Here’s the short version:
2005 was a bad year, starting out with me in the middle of a five-car pile up, and ending with the death of my mother and my first marriage only two days apart. Following that came a point in my life where I was dealing with some pretty major Depression.
I suppose you could say I was lucky, because at the time I was not working for an outside employer, so if I slept all day, nobody cared except for my grandfather. Of course, he had needs, so I really only got about two hours of sleep at any one point, day or night. Things got pretty rough for me– I was really deep in my hole. I don’t think I was ever suicidal; like, I wasn’t planning how to do it or anything. I had just stopped caring whether I was still alive.
During this time, I was complaining to my dad about how nothing was working out for me, how stuck I felt– and by the way, from this experience, I’ve learned that a feeling of being stuck is a sign in me of Depression. If you hear me talking that way, please point it out, so I can turn around. Anyway, I was telling my dad how stuck I was, and he turned me on to Law of Attraction and The Secret.
A lot of people who have been studying this stuff for a while are a little annoyed with The Secret for being too superficial, but I am grateful. That movie, in my humble opinion, wasn’t designed for people who were avid students of LOA. It was designed for and targeted at people who had never considered such things before and we’re looking for a change– a trifold brochure, if you will. Least ways, that’s how it worked for me.
From The Secret, I graduated to the Abraham materials, presented by Jerry and Esther Hicks. I collected as many of their audiobooks and recordings as I could over the years, taking books out of the library when I couldn’t afford to buy them, borrowing CDs, doing whatever I could to get my hands on their products, because at the end of the day, it helped. Even if my days looked exactly the same, I felt better in them. And as I felt better in my same old days, my days transformed, until I was no longer my grandfather’s primary caretaker, and I was, instead on my way back to Los Angeles, once again captain of my destiny.
Working with Abraham’s materials, there were never any POOFs. It was just gradual and natural and easy when I let it be– when I didn’t let it be easy, it was anything but. Still and all, I look back at where I was, how I was, and it is something of a shock to me that I have come so far. II am stronger, wiser, and more compassionate. And I’m still moving forward! It’s exciting and sometimes scary and sometimes disappointing (in the short term), but it’s always moving forward. And it always works out better than I expected in the long term.
And this brings me to today. I live in my favorite town in Southern California. I have a husband whom I love dearly, and with whom I am very, very compatible, I am relatively healthy, I have amazing and wonderful friends and family all over the world, and I am, for the first time in this lifetime, sitting in the same room with Abraham, the one who has been guiding me to this very moment for the last eight years.
I am truly blessed. Also, I’m exhausted. 7:30 in the freaking morning? Are you kidding me? But mostly, I’m blessed.