Writers write. That’s what they say. And the paid writers write everyday.
And I haven’t been. I have really good reasons, you know– REALLY good reasons. But at the end of the day, I need to make a decision: do I want to be a secretary with Really Good Reasons or do I want to be a paid writer?
I had been writing at lunch time. I’d eat for half an hour and then write for a half an hour. It always amazed me how all I had to do was go back and reread what I had written up to that point, and when I got to the empty part, the blinking cursor, the rest would just flow out of me. I hadn’t even known what it was I was going to say, but when the cursor blinked at me… It just came pouring out. I loved it, and it fulfilled me in a way I can’t really describe.
“I want to be my best self every day,
not just on the days without Reasons.”
It’s funny: I hear about how writing is hard work. It isn’t for me. I love it. I love playing with words, and finding the right way to get my message across, sometimes even non-verbally. 😉 Writing is fun. Writing is an outpouring of my soul.
Getting the motivation to write, however, is incredibly difficult. As I said, I have Reasons. Good ones. There are Reasons why I need to rest today, Reasons why I’m just not feeling it, Reasons why everybody just NEEDS TO BACK OFF, OKAY? I AM NOT A MACHINE. But then the next day, I look back, and I ask myself, did I really want to rest or was I avoiding being my best self?
And that’s the thing: I want to be my best self every day, not just on the days without Reasons. It’s a promise I’ve made to myself over and over, in different ways: I promise to be gentle and forgiving with myself, because I understand that I am not perfect. I promise to be open and honest, because honesty is the only way I can truly get better. I promise to choose happiness, because happiness is a choice, and I am always a better person when I am happy than when I am Depressed. I’ve even made promises to Honey, in the form of marriage vows, on being my best self and on being happy. And writing makes me happy.
So here I am, with nothing more to say today, than that I have kept my promise. I wrote, and it made me happy.