Travel Preproduction, Part I: Procrastination Phase
Begins one week before travel

I need to pack. I need to clean the kitchen. Do laundry. Pack the dogs’ belongings. Stop the mail. Argue with UPS over their fee for holding packages. Make a list of what to bring and what to pack–Lists are good.

• Make a list of what to pack
• Run to store to buy wedding gift. Don’t find anything I like. Maybe because it’s less than a week before the wedding??? Screw it; they get a check.
• Add wedding gift check to packing list
• Return to store to buy wedding card, selection of which by now only has two that aren’t religious, and one that isn’t saccharine and might have once said “happy birthday” before someone scratched that part out. Apparently there are a lot of December weddings. Who knew?
• Add “Birthday Wedding card” to packing list
• Make sure airline tickets are in order
• Make sure hotel reservation is in order
• Confirm drop-off/closing times with puppy sitter
• Visit favorite pub for one last visit, because I might miss them when we’re gone. Also: nachos.
• Make reservations with shuttle to get to the airport
• Run to the store (AGAIN) to get timers so that robbers won’t know we’re not in the house.
• Run to another store to buy enough food so that we can eat the night before we fly out, but not have tons of leftovers in the fridge while we’re gone, because that would be gross.
• Eyeball kitchen again with a mental note that I REALLY need to clean it. Tomorrow.
• Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

Total time spent in Phase I: Meh, about a week.

Travel Preproduction, Part II: Expert Procrastination Phase
Begins 24 hours before travel

I hate packing. It is one of the few things I’m fairly good at by this point in my life that I still hate doing anyway. Travel light– you might think you need it but you really don’t. Always keep your cosmetics bag filled, in your carry-on, and ready to go. Roll, don’t fold. Use socks and underwear to fill crack and crannies. Put shoes in bags so they don’t get filth on your clothes, or better yet, just bring the pair you’re wearing. See? I get it.

But I still hate it.

I also hate dropping off my dogs with any puppy sitter, which is why I got them there about 20 minutes before closing time. Lucky for me, this woman is awesome. (So is Honey, who drove me and the boys, so that I could hold them a little longer.) Our puppy-sitter even sends us photos every so often so we can see how the boys are doing.

They look happy enough, don’t they?

Snugly Gazelik in a blanket.

Meetoo, sitting on his most favorite perch in the world: Gazelik’s back.

Aaaaand since we were out already, and since I was wiped from Phase I from this week– not to mention emotionally exhausted from saying goodbye to the pups– we let someone else cook for us. The food I was supposed to cook for tonight will last a FEW more days, right?

Actually, that was pretty awesome. We had Indian food (YUMMY!) at a place I’ve been wanting to try for quite some time, and they have plenty of gluten free options. Also, getting some solid protein in me helped, not only my mood, but my energy level. OKAY! Ready to pack! (I’ll take care of the kitchen later.)

Total time spent in Phase II: Meh, about a day.

Travel Preproduction, Part III: Super-Duper Expert Procrastination Phase
Begins 8 hours before travel

I still hadn’t packed. Or cleaned the kitchen. Or… anything (except the dogs.) Some people would panic at this point, but they’re not Super-Duper Expert Procrastinators. I put on Star Trek IV: The One About the Whales.

And started the laundry.

Total time spent in Phase III: Meh, 2 hours or so.

Travel Preproduction, Part IV: Oh, Sh!t Phase
Begins 6 hours before travel

Laundry done, suitcase packed, tomorrow’s clothes laid out and ready (with metals snaps in the legs, so TSA will have a field day). I even found my stash of cold-weather clothes from WV, so I will be making quite a fashion statement, but at least I’ll be warm! Stash of hats and scarves also found and packed. Throw in a Santa hat for holiday cheer. (It’s pink and blinged-out. That’s cheer, right?) Medication packed. Kitchen… I’ll do in the morning, which is painfully close to now. Time for SLEEP.

Total time spent in Phase IV: TWENTY MINUTES, BITCHES

Travel Preproduction, Part V: Huh? Phase
Begins 1 hour before travel

OH GAWD, IT’S WHAT TIME?

Total time spent in Phase V: 50 minutes

Travel Preproduction, Part VI: Dammit I Still Didn’t Do the Kitchen Phase
Begins 10 minutes before travel

Showered. Dressed. …No dogs to walk, so I save that 30 minutes. Trash taken out. Windows shut. Anti-Robber Timers set. Winter coat found, which might be important, since we’re going to New York City in December, and they generally are below 60F most days. OH, GAWD! I’M GONNA FREEZE MY TA-TAS OFF!

But I think we’re ready. We hit the driveway, just as the shuttle pulls up to take us to the airport.

Travel, Part I: Honey, did we remember to find transportation to the hotel? Phase
Crap.

Image found here: http://www.tabletwallpapers.net/wallpapers/city_skyline-1920×1200.jpg